Iran Contra
by quantumdranger
Summary: Bill Rizer and Lance Bean are sent to defeat Repub- Red Falcon's army of Contras and Aliens on a island off the coast of Nicaragua. A rewrite of the original game with minor (major) changes and a few inconsistencies. TW: Violence, drug reference, reality and american politics.
1. Chapter 1

In 1986, in the corn islands of Nicaragua. A secret terrorist organization was planning to take over the world in the name of The Enterprise, a shadowy alien army under the control of demon emperor Red Falcon. To stop them, the United States sent in Bill Rizer and Lance Bean, the world's greatest soldiers.

Descending from helicopter, the duo ambushed from the jungle foliage catching the weary militants off guard. As the carnage started, a veteran fighter clad in red activated the island's automatic turret system but while he was distracted, a bullet hit him in the arm sending his gun flying into the air and his body fatally out of balance on the steep cliff side. Bill grabbed the gun, an automatic shotgun, and blew back an entire line of hostiles giving lance enough time to take aim at one of the supply capsules. Once he was lined up, he fired and burst it open like a pinata spraying weapons everywhere. Lance grabbed a machine gun, holstering his shoddy semi-automatic rifle, and turned the wall mounted turrets into a flaming mess of metal before they could retract. Suddenly, more turrets emerged out of fake patches of ground and fired off a burst of fire at the intruders. Lance pulled Bill to the ground as the bullets sailed overhead and they prepared to move again but the unfortunate height of the turrets made them unable to hit low objects. They raised their guns ready to take some cheap shots, only to find they were out, so Lance pulled out his rifle and used the safety of their location to aim another shot at the supply capsules. As one drifted into his crosshairs, he blew it apart releasing only a cloud of white dust to their dismay, looks like this one was empty and they would just have to take out these turrets the slow way. Which proved ever dangerous as they continued further into the enemy lines. Bill covered Lance's back while Lance took out the turrets and incoming soldiers and eventually after a chaotic and fierce battle, they reached the final turret. A plate in the ground bearing a large red bird, presumably a falcon but it carried more properties of an eagle. But while on high alert, they didn't take any chances and shot it open after a few seconds revealing two automatic shotguns and a full cache of ammo. They revelled in their find but soon grew worried when they realized that only a massive threat nearby warranted this much artillery.

Upon crossing the hill up ahead, they found their massive threat. A towering mechanical wall protecting their first base, fitted with grenade launchers on either side. Lance and Bill split up and took a side dodging the grenade and firing at the launchers until they were blown apart by their own ammo. Now all that remained was the power core in the center of the wall, the duo raised their guns and on the count of three unloaded everything they had on it. The wall blew open in a spontaneous blaze of smoke and fire that gave them some cover as they prepared to find out what was hiding in here.

As they went farther in, the smoke blended in with a white cloud and the fire turned the mixture into a noxious gas. Lance and Bill ran for their lives, motivated by knowing that on the other side of this cloud was the alien mastermind and that with another few shots, earth would be saved. Eventually, a silhouette began to form as the two were becoming unbearably dizzy and woozy and they both made the final push stepping out of the gas and into the a small room filled with crate upon crate. The white dust from earlier was all over the floor and weapons lay scattered about with money strewn around them. In the center of the room stood an old man and as Bill's eyes focused, he immediately recognized the face.

"Ronald Reagan!?" Bill shouted. Lance recoiled from shock upon hearing the name and the President smiled at their reactions. He calmly said "Correct…" Lance shouted "What the hell is going on here?" and Ronald said "The militants of this island are being trained to overthrow the communist governments of South America by the CIA. We provide them with guns and money and they provide us with a powerful addictive nose candy that the CIA release into the streets of the USA. You could say we're fighting corruption abroad and at home. You're probably wondering where we got the budget to do this, well, I believe you already know. When you came here, you didn't even have standard guns and a shirt to cover up your muscle. Doesn't matter now that you have spreaders and soldier gear because without that facade, you are just terrorists fighting for a good cause. More specifically, seeing how you got those were the only guns that got past the Iranian embargo, you're DAMN DIRTY COMMUNIST HEZBOLLAH TERRORISTS WHO WILL BE TAKING MY SECRET TO THE GRAVE JUST LIKE THOSE TWO HOSTAGES!1"

Ronald Reagan hit a large core into the door and an electric field blocked the two vigilantes from progressing. The heroes struggled fruitlessly, subjecting themselves to the painful electricity while Reagan laughed at their suffering. Finally, door opened and he stepped through but not before turning back and saying his final words to the two. "Turn back now and all pardon you like everybody else exposed in this mission. You can retire and ride the waves of fame and capitalism, it does wonders if you're already rich and powerful and you're so powerful you might even become a spokesman for a popular shooter game franchise. But you won't because you fought this far on an ideology alone so I can't convince you that way, instead all I can say is that the other side of that door doesn't lie Ronald Reagan." His face began to melt revealing a scaly reptilian face devoid of features other than a grotesque snakelike set of teeth. "Red Falcon, no it's time that I stop using that red herring alias, Republican Eagle lies in the room ahead and actually, he is the room ahead." He finally turned around and the door closed behind him but not before they saw his body begin to stretch and contort forming corridors and turrets of flesh and bone.


	2. Chapter 2

Bill and Lance snapped out of their drug-induced trance once the door's opening allowed some of the smoke out of the room. They were finally sober enough to blow shit up with their big ass gun and so they did. As with everything else, a few shots to the core caused a massive explosion that took out a nearby soldier. As they passed him, they noticed that he was just an American Sergeant, probably here to attend to Reagan or train the soldiers. It was kinda of sad that he had to take the fall until they saw that he was Oliver North, slimy bastard. Filled with determination once again, they charged into the horror awaiting them.

Inside was a living hell beyond their worst nightmares, red white and blue blood flowed below them mixing in and out of many shades and the ground, a mixture of human, alien and machine, pulsed at their every movement. Two final supply capsules floated above them and they shot them down in unison providing them with flamethrowers, an excellent choice seeing the fleshy surroundings. The first hostile they encountered was a yellowish-reddish curled up alien. It was strange and foreign in everything from its look to its movements but seemed to be slightly familiar. Then they realized that the red and yellow markings formed a hammer and sickle, it was made to mock them. They shot it with rage and ran furiously gunning until they hit an impassable wall of metal eggs, all cracked and hatched, and looked up, Ronald Reagan's reptilian head had grown to massive proportions. They stepped back in fear and Ronald Reagan asked "How did you like the new alien design?" as more of them spilled from his mouth. In defense, they blew a few fireballs that corkscrewed hitting the aliens but also hitting Ronald. Agitated, he sputtered "How dare you! My teeth shred you like Fawn Hall shreds documents!" and they were off, he released more aliens from his mouth but the fireballs burnt right through their bodies and into Ronald's. There was no way he could win and after a fruitless effort, his head erupted into flames and fell into the eggs, crushing them. As the wall fell, they saw that they were not done with their battle, giant mouths spewed ball lighting at them which they were a pain to dodge due to it magnetically homing on their guns. As they near the end of this gauntlet, a pink blur ran toward them only nearly falling to their fire before it reached them. It was a small ugly and hostile slimy spidery baby, sorta like a politician. From what they recognized before, this meant that they were approaching another boss, but if Ronald was dead, who or what would it be? After they burnt more of them to the ground and they stepped into a room of metal eggs once again, they found their answer. It was Ronald Reagan's cold heart connected by flashing veins to four alien nests. Of course, his body was just a pawn for the darkness that inhabits all of politics and this operation was to give it more scandalous blood so it could produce more slimy politician babies and start the process over again. They had to stop this for the good of the world and the universe. Setting their flamethrowers to full blast, they thawed the heart until it was weak enough that its own heavy sins collapsed it, ending this tragedy for good. The world was finally saved from the evil of politics or was it?

A small pink alien scuttles through a crack in one of the egg into the safety of a sequel. Tune in next time for more mildly sensationalized coverage of the Iran Contra affair.


End file.
